There’s a huge time gap that’s mostly because I get stumped on how to continue. It turns into analysis paralysis and then… nothing. Good ol’ nothingness. That dreamy state where you can’t do something wrong if you don’t attempt it. The blissful void where you can’t worry about something if you don’t think about it.
It’s a survival tactic if you think about it. Most recently, my 17 year old cat Mina, my first pet post college, my stubborn, beautiful cat, Mina…. she’s not doing so well. Her abdomen started getting extended late last December. She’s collecting fluid in her abdomen and her vet can’t figure out where, why, or how to stop it.
Currently, she’s been going to the vet about every 10 days to get her abdomen drained but it keeps coming back. She’s good for a couple days, but then she fades. She takes a variety of supplements/tinctures/etc and she’s a trooper about it all. But she doesn’t eat much and she’s so bony now. I mentioned she was stubborn. I’m pretty sure it’s the only thing that keeps her going.
I don’t want to let her go, but I don’t want her to be in pain. I don’t know what to do and every time I think about it I start tearing up. So, I decide not to think about it. After a while, the tears stop and I can move on. But that doesn’t fix anything so I go back to thinking about her and the tears come back, rinse and repeat.
I have to act, but not right now. Soon, but not quite yet. I seem to remember I wanted to prepare some egg whites for a second attempt at making macarons…
*Mina pic from July 16, 2014